Grandpa for a New Time

When I was eight, I could ride my Pee Wee Herman Schwinn to my grandmother’s house.  She would make me a Boston Cooler and if I asked my Mom I could stay overnight and watch the Friday shows on her big TV:  Hit Parade, the Big Story and I Remember Mama.  My grandfather was bed ridden so she loved the company.  I loved the grown up talk.  My grandmother never talked “down to me” like the little boy I was but rather (I imagined) like she talked to all her older friends.  She was the wise one who told me what happened after you died.  (You went to Heaven and if people still alive remembered you a little bell would go off and make you smile.)

My other grandparents lived in a small town in West Virginia but “bad roads and all” we managed to visit them every year.  Usually my brother and I spent spring vacation there.  In this little town we could  go anywhere we wanted without adult supervision (everyone in the town knew who we were.) I learned the West Virginia rules:  every meal was three courses that took at least two hours.  (Half the time was for eating and the rest for talking whether you wanted to or not). Chess and dancing were mandatory.  A religion was required since everyone in town worshiped in the same building and the whole town knew if you did not.

I can close my eyes today and see my grand parents faces.  Occasionally I will smell perfume on someone that opens a floodgate of memories of one or both of my grandmothers.  I have hundreds of stories about all four of them.

Things were very different in the fifties when I was a young boy.  Most of my friends had a Mom and Dad at home.  Divorce was not a common thing. You were supposed to get married and stay married, regardless of how miserable you were.  People married younger and stayed married longer. People didn't live alone.  Only around 9% of homes had a single occupant in 1950. In 1950 the median age for a first marriage was around 22 for men and 20 for women.  People lived in the same community their whole life.

So it is no surprise today that a grandpa’s relationship with his grandkids is going to be different.  Both my kids have been divorced as was I.  Both of them moved away from the city they were born.  I have lived in three states since they were born.  Kids today may have three or four sets of living grandparents; and who ever heard of “step grandparents” in my day.

But it is what it is.

I remember the first time I had an opportunity to spend some real time with my granddaughter. We were at a hotel swimming pool where my son was doing his “visit.”  My granddaughter was enjoying jumping into my arms in the pool over and over.  Finally after about the tenth jump she looked at me and asked: “What did you say your name was?”  I was saddened and delighted at the same time.

As divorces get more contentious and complicated, it is not surprising that many states have grandparent rights.  Can you imagine having to go to court just to visit your grandchildren?

On the plus side, if you are lucky enough to even get to meet your grandkids and develop any relationship with them communication potential is endless. We didn’t have Skype and essentially free telephones in the 50’s.

I remember when my Dad traveled he’d first make a person to person call to the house and ask for a code named person and then my mother would say that person was not in.  My Dad would then call back station to station knowing my mothers was home, for a reduced rate.  Today they could email one another or kiss the computer screen from dueling Starbucks.

Other things have changed as well.  My kids used to hang on for their lives sans helmet on the luggage rack of my English racer.  They would slide side to side in the back seat of our Chevy seat beltless as we speeded along.  They sat alone locked in the car as we ran into 7 eleven for milk.

They weren’t expected to know much as kids.  We were not shamed into buying expensive toys that would give them an edge in pre pre kindergarten.  My kids heard the Stones not Mozart.  Somehow they turned out just fine.

Some things are the same.  We had cloth diapers and a diaper man.  The kids have paper diapers with Velcro .  You know what is the same.  I can’t believe I still change a diaper.  I’m too old for this sh--.

Healthy and Sexy at 65?

I already mentioned that I am lucky to be healthy.  The truth is without a little modern science I would be blind.  


I have always been extremely nearsighted  and consequently a good candidate for a detached retina.  When it happened it was severe.  Not a tear but a total collapse.  All the wallpaper on the back of my eye fell down.  They fixed it with a “sclera buckle” and that was that, except that I did lose some eyesight.  I also have “low pressure” glaucoma.  Clearly an oxymoron since glaucoma is “high pressure” on the optic nerve.  (Kind of like what happens when you sit on your leg and it falls asleep).  For me almost any optic pressure is too much. There is no cure for glaucoma but the medicine is supposed to keep it from progressing to blindness. 


I also had cataract surgery.  The miracle that allowed me to throw away my glasses.  


My knee was fixed arthroscopicly (torn meniscus); my three herniated discs in my back were, I think, wisely left alone.


So its not that I think modern medicine is not miraculous just that we need to proceed with caution.  


I am in favor of any medical procedure prescribed because there is no other choice. 


But “elective” anything sends me warning signs.

When I was a kid I had bad acne.   I went to the best.  Every single thing the doctor told me, including every treatment prescribed, was just plain wrong according to what we know today.  My brother had colitis and ultimately cancer.  They thought colitis was caused by a nervous condition that could be treated by a psychiatrist.  What he needed was medicine not a “good talking to”.  He was dyslexic in the 1950’s.  Similarly, the teachers gave him detentions not reading help.

My mother got lung cancer at age 89 and her wise doctors told her to leave it alone.  Old age got her before the cancer.

Here is what I hope the most will happen to medicine in my remaining years.  If I could pick just one subject it would be the whole category we reserve for mental health.  We need to separate true physical problems that cause our brains to react abnormally and call them physical illnesses and reserve so called mental health for psychological problems which can be treated with behavior modification.

People who hear voices are not mentally ill.  They are physically ill.  Our uptight puritan society needs to change its prejudice.

So what keeps me up at night about my health.   Alzheimer’s.

I moved to Florida to help out when my Dad first started the symptoms.  At the end he could not talk and was violent.  The road from Dad to the other Guy was painful.  It’s not just about losing your memory it’s about losing your brain.

Am I candidate? Would you want to know if you could?  I would not.

I am at my fighting weight and in decent shape.  So like it or not, you are now going to hear my unsolicited suggestions for developing a more healthy lifestyle.  I am sure these rules are probably worthless for most people but they have worked for me.  I am not good at rules and often mess up but I never let that deter me from getting back to my program.

1. Don’t go to bars unless the bar is in a restaurant where you are having dinner.
2. Get help from someone you trust to teach you the basics about healthy eating.  Someone needs to walk you through the grocery store. I think its complicated and if you have to pay someone to teach you the basics do it.  I don’t think they still do the pyramid thing. I got help.
3. Pay attention to stuff like “Eat this Not that” because realistically you are going to fast food feed yourself.  If there are less horrible choices to eat there, it’s good to know what they are.
4. Ignore people who tell you that as you age you need less sleep.  Get a lot and nap.  Take sleeping pills as a last resort and make sure the doctor knows what she is talking about before being prescribed.  Not everyone responds the same way.  If you used to be a drug addict (I probably was) don’t take sleeping pills.   Do enough exercise so you’re are exhausted.
5. Exercise.  I could do a whole blog on this one.  I go to the club and workout everyday.  That is a little nuts.  But my best advice is set your goals low.  Find something that you will actually do and do it.  If you use weights use light ones with lots of reps.  Get one of those rubber band things that allows you to work out at home and do it while you watch the tube if you must watch the tube.
6. Don’t diet.  None of them work.  EAT LESS.  It’s all about calories.
7. Vanity is good for you.

OK What about Sex for Seniors?

There is certainly a great deal of fear of sexual dysfunction.

My advice learned late in age is:

Having sex with someone you love goes a long way to solve most sexual dysfunction problems.


A little touching along the way also doesn't hurt.

When you were dating you wouldn’t consider not hugging or touching your date all night if you expected to get lucky later. Couples who no longer share any physical intimacy out of bed probably never share any in bed.  We can touch each other at 65 without the necessary expectation of a completed sex act.  It sure takes the pressure off the guy who, after all, has to “get it up”.

I don’t think sex should be a performance.  The older we are the more we need to communicate what our expectations and abilities are. And then guys there are meds to help.  For most what they really do is put back the confidence.  No shame there.

Seniors are clearly still “doing it”.   Check out the University of Chicago study:  http://www.healthnews.com/family-health/sexual-health/seniors-can-enjoy-sex-into-their-80s-2965.html

My mom met my dad when she was 18 and he was her first and last and only sexual partner.  She was open and honest about her love and how she also enjoyed expressing it sexually.  She was not a child of the sixties.  She remained sexually active until my Dad could no longer remember his name.  NICE.